Just One Thing


There *is* crowdsurfing on boats.
May 31, 2010, -07:30amMon, 31 May 2010 08:10:01 -0730310831am31-07:30
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And the Silver Surfer is…… Jello Biafra!

Gesticulating wildly on a punk rock soapbox with the expressiveness of a rabid mime, ladies and gentleman, was the former Dead Kennedys frontman, nee proto-type for a polito-punk frontman. And he doesn’t look like this anymore, but his commanding presence still kicks those who’d claim his mandate out of the mosh pit and back to the drawing board.

This weekend’s episode has Mr. Biafra bashing Obama for–among other things–failing to prosecute the war criminals of the W. Bush Administration and keeping Robert Gates as Defense Secretary–in a Memorial Day shout-out. Because, he said, our fathers and grandfathers (and mothers and grandmothers, I might add) fought to end the Nazi torture regime, one on par with Guantanamo Bay (still open for business).

Biafra and his tell-tale vibratto, clad in a white doctor’s coat and blood-smeared surgical gloves, fronted the swaggering Guantanamo School of Medicine. The band hammered through a rendition of “California Uber Alles,” tailor-made for Gov. Scharzeneger, complete with testosterone stereotypes. Biafra’s also one of the few men in the world who could get away with inciting a chant of “Pol! Pot! Pol! Pot!” (from “Holiday in Cambodia”)

Jello riled the crowd with a host of new material, spewing topical socio-political commentary in tunes like “Electronic Plantation,” an ode to the millions of new-millennium workers who log long hours in the scorching glow of an LCD screen as opposed to the cruel sun.

Rest assured, Biafra still cares. And we’re lucky he does. He ended the set with a diatribe against the excessive effort people pour into Facebook and Twitter rather than keeping up-to-date on spreading injustice, called “I Won’t Give Up” (It’s not an option).

This optimism must play into why Biafra is the most vigilantly supported crowd surfer I’ve witnessed to date.*

See Biafra’s most recent release, The Audicity of Hype.

Also check out Rocks Off Concert Cruises-$30 for a trip down the Hudson from 41st to the Statue of Liberty on a slightly bar-flavored boat! Budos Band is scheduled 6.11 and I’m seriously considering it. A nautical funk dance party is certain to ensue!

*Missing from the set was one of my fave Dk tunes, “Soup is Good Food.” So here it is, huzzah!
“You’ll just have to kill yourself somewhere else. A tourist might see you, and we wouldn’t want that!”



You.You.You. Oughta Kno-ow…Pirates.
May 29, 2010, -07:30pmSat, 29 May 2010 13:12:45 -0730310129pm31-07:30
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I would like to travel back in time, to the days before before the original and less-annoying Tea Party, into the days of mercantilism. I would stow away on a pirate ship. I would carry with me, through the obligatory time-space continuum vortex, choice items from Hot Topic, and perhaps some Avril Lavigne on a small, inexpensive MP3 player. I would seek out and confront the head pirate and the parrot on his shoulder with what’s become of their beloved Jolly Roger. Rainbow skull and crossbones, festooned with bright pink hearts. I would describe wristbands and Vans Warped Tour to this man. Oh the shame.

And before the swarthy dogs, who would surely gather round at the sight of a woman, branded me as a witch and sent me back, via plankwalk, to the hell from whence I came, I would update these men on how their legacy has carried through to the modern day. Johnny Depp, Keith Richards, eyeliner, Disney. Kidnappings, ransoms, a really good scene in a Wes Anderson movie. An International Talk Like a Pirate Day, slutty Halloween costumes and the like. And a general reference for people who plunder invisible things from invisible machine ships.

Yes, pirates of yore, your outlaw, scurvy-ridden life of poor, sea-faring man’s justice has become a well-known cultural phenomena, but I’m sure vampires, zombies and the 80s can help you deal with it.